My Blogmate Shows A Real Failure Of Cynicism November 11, 2012Posted by Benjamin Wendell in Politics, Scandals.
Tags: affair, bill clinton, Dwight Eisenhower, evangelical, honor, honorable, Kennedy, lyndon johnson, petraeus, resignation
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Here’s the deal: A very large number of high government officials have illicit sexual liaisons. A very small number resign. This idea that any sexual misstep whatsoever is an automatic basis for dismissal might sit well with the evangelical crowd, but I suspect that most US citizens and an even larger proportion of global citizens are a bit more forgiving. Otherwise, not only would John F. Kennedy have been on the same chopping block as Bill Clinton, but so would Lyndon Johnson, Franklin Roosevelt, and Dwight Eisenhower, just to name a few. If you want to throw in all the senators, congressman, cabinet members, justices, and various bureau chiefs, you’re basically going to be running the federal government on a skeleton crew.
Again, this is not to say that Petraeus shouldn’t have resigned. He may have his reasons, although I’m not entirely convinced at this point that they are all about the affair. But as a military four-star general, he’s an honorable man in a business that’s built on honor, and maybe that was enough to do what he considered right. The same cannot be extrapolated over the entire landscape of national and international politics.
Scandalous Nights At The Puzzle Palace November 10, 2012Posted by Benjamin Wendell in Politics.
Tags: affair, cia, david petraeus, dci, general, paula broadwell
I really have no idea what the David Petraeus resignation is about or what the long term consequences will be, but from what I’ve seen so far, this is a story with layer after layer, like an onion, and we may never know the core of the matter. It’s hard to believe that the Director of the CIA would resign just over an extramarital affair, but on the other hand, maybe a DCI who can’t even keep his own affair secret shouldn’t be entrusted with the keys to all those drones. I’m sure there are going to be conspiracy theories involving Benghazi, and maybe they will have some basis. I just hope the president and the congress doesn’t waste too much time over all of it. The business of American intelligence and American diplomacy goes on, and in the end, we really are all on the same team. The president now needs to replace the DCI and probably the Secretaries of State and Defense as well. There are good people available. The president needs to find them and get on with the business of governing. And Congress needs to do the same thing.
And as an aside:
Perfectly understandable, General Petraeus.
Republicans Behaving Badly: Do As I Say, Not As I Do October 17, 2012Posted by Benjamin Wendell in Politics, Scandals.
Tags: abortion, affair, christian, dinesh dsouza, hypocrisy, patient, pregnant, scandal, scott desjarlais
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After Romney’s spanking last night, let me be the first to gleefully kick the bastards while they’re down.
After hearing Mitt flounder and fumble as he unsuccessfully tried to explain away his hard right views on Planned Parenthood, contraception, women’s rights (“binders full of women“?? really??), and equal pay for equal work, it’s again appropriate to paint the GOP as the party that called Sandra Fluke a slut, is appalled that health insurance plans have to include birth control pills as a covered expense, categorizes rapes into “legitimate” and “illegitimate”, and treats Planned Parenthood clinics like repositories for the plague. These guys have got Jesus on their side and they aren’t the least bit shy about sticking their long white noses into your bedroom. They are the moral arbitors of all things American.
Which is why it’s such a delight when you hear that Dinesh D’Souza, the Christian fundamentalist conservative pundit who put out the “Obama is a Kenyan closet Muslim anti-American” documentary, “2016: Obama’s America”, is in a world of hurt over the discovery that he shared a hotel room with a woman who was not his wife while attending an event on Christian values. D’Souza claims that he and his wife Dixie (really?) have been separated for two years, which is reminiscent of Ross’ classic line on “Friends”: “We were on a break!”.
Then you’ve got Tennessee Republican congressman Scott DesJarlais, another staunch anti-abortion firebreather, and a physician to boot. It turns out that this guy had an affair with a patient, got her pregnant, and pressured her to get an abortion. DesJarlais admits to the affair, but denies the pregnancy or his urging of the abortion, even though he’s right there on an audio tape doing exactly that. He also explains that he and his wife Susan were in an “open marriage” at the time (presumably charter members of the Newt Gingrich wife swapping and Bible study group).
Celebrities Behaving Badly: The Twilight Ta-Ta’s Edition October 5, 2012Posted by Benjamin Wendell in Entertainment, Scandals.
Tags: affair, american idol, Arnold Schwarzenegger, christen stewart, feud, hulk hogan, lady gaga, mariah carey, nicki minaj, nipples, sex tape, topless
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Just when I thought this week was going to be an utter washout, like manna from the heavens, I was delivered a veritable feast of nakedity. Kristen Stewart is topless in her new film, “On The Road”! [For those of you who are not familiar with the concept, click on the link and scroll down to the bottom of the page for the "NSFW" pics.]
As an aside, it looks like she’s back together again with Robert Pattinson. Apparently vampire sex is just that good.
Bella the bloodsucker is not the only naked celeb of the week. Your favorite little monster, Lady Gaga herself, is flaunting some nipplage in a twitter pic with her and designer Donatella Versace.
For those of you who won’t convulse at the sight of areola, the uncensored image is available here. I’d be staring at it myself, but I can’t pull my eyes away from Versace’s silicone lips. Note to her plastic surgeon: Know when to say when.
In other naked news, the future queen of England has been further exploited by those soulless European tabloids, which courtesy of a 4000 power telescopic lens, have not only topless picture of Kate, but bottomless pictures as well. I, for one, would never lower myself to gazing upon the royal lady parts, but if any of you sick puppies insist, you can check this Egotastic link for the full album. God save the queen.
In train wreck news, Lindsay Lohan is at it again. Police were called to her New York hotel suite at 4:30AM when she got into a scuffle with a guy she’d invited to her room. Apparently she wanted to confiscate his cell phone after he took some pictures of which she did not approve. One can only imagine what might be contained in those images. Anderson Cooper had the best summary of the Lilo situation on his afternoon talk show. He said (paraphrasing), “Look, she’s only been in New York two weeks and has already had two incidents involving police. I’ve lived here my whole life and I’ve never even talked to a cop.”
On a similar note, singer Fiona Apple was arrested at the Willy Nelson Memorial Border Crossing in Sierra Blanca, Texas when the authorities found hashish on her tour bus. Two weeks later, during a concert in Clearwater, Florida, she sat down mid-performance and staged a legendary rant excoriating the tabloid press in general and Perez Hilton in particular. Hey, dude, take a toke and chill, ok? Meanwhile, if she’d like to include us in her next rant, it’s spelled L-E-F-T….
Hey, cowboy, how ’bout I shine that big old belt buckle?: Country star Jason Aldean, apparently unaware of “The Tiger Rule”, was cell phone photographed at a bar fondling former “American Idol” contestant Brittany Kerr. In damage control mode, Aldean immediately tweeted that he’d been led astray by the alcohol (and his conscienceless dick). [Totally false (the dick part). I made that up.]
In other American Idol news, the dueling divas feud has already commenced (no, not Seacrest and Randy Jackson…the other divas). In the midst of an audition taping in Charlotte, NC, Nicki Minaj and Mariah Carey got into it over the vocal attributes of a contestant. At one point, Minaj reportedly told the producers, “I told them, I’m not fuckin’ puttin’ up with her fuckin’ highness over there!” Rumor has it that Minaj also threatened to shoot Carey and that Carey has beefed up her security. This is just getting too weird. I’m guessing that Ellen DeGeneres never got up in Randy’s grill, and the worst thing Paula Abdul ever did was slur Simon’s name in a Xanax haze. Still, I’m beginning to rethink my vow to drop AI this season.
Celebrities behaving politically badly: If you didn’t catch the Arnold Schwarzenegger interview, let me sum it up for you in the governator’s own words, “Yah, correct, I am a prick, and wit my huge weinerschnitzle I schtupped Bridget Nielson real good. Maria, dat skinny bitch, had no clue. Seig Heil!…ach!…I mean, guten nacht.” And here’s why you can be a creative genius and still ought to stay out of the handicapping business: Seth MacFarlane, creator of “Family Guy” and future Academy Awards host, said in an interview Wednesday, “I think, at this point, Obama could walk out onto the stage with his penis out [and] he’s still going to win.” Maybe the president should have tried that ploy.
Best picture of the week:
Hey, who wouldn’t?
Finally, the story I think we’ve all been breathlessly anticipating: Hulk Hogan Sex Tape Leaks! This one ought to be subtitled, “The banality of celebrity.” Watch the tape. See if you enjoy it as much as I did when he stops to answer a cell call from his son. Ah…romance in the 21st century.
Stick A Fork In Him December 2, 2011Posted by Benjamin Wendell in Politics.
Tags: affair, Gloria Cain, Herman Cain, marriage
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The Cain Train Is In A World Of Pain November 29, 2011Posted by Benjamin Wendell in Politics.
Tags: affair, divorce, Ginger White, Herman Cain, Newt Gingrich
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Herman Cain ought to hire Jimmie Kimmel’s band and make “Lyin’ Ass Bitch” his campaign theme, since that’s what he’s calling a FIFTH woman who’s accused him of some kind of extramarital sexual adventure. Apparently Ginger White, just like all the others, has created another delusional tale of Herm playing hide the salami at various offices, hotels, and motels over the course of thirteen years, and even went to the extreme of forging dozens of text messages and emails to back up her fictional story. Look, at this point Cain is subject to Ben’s Divorce Rule: If you’ve been divorced five times, maybe it’s you.
The question now is not whether Cain’s reputation is irreparably tarnished, but what sort of reputation he had in the first place. In what kind of Alice-down-the-rabbit-hole hallucinogenic universe would any rational citizen want Herman Cain to be President of the United States? This guy is so inarticulate he makes George Bush look like the debate team coach at Oxford and so ignorant on foreign policy that he makes Michele Bachmann look like Madeline Albright. Does anyone without a severe closed head injury genuinely want Herman Cain to be the one looking across a conference table from Vladimir Putin or Benjamin Netanyahu? Face it…with this guy still in the race, Newt Gingrich is basically Winston Churchill without the cigar.
Celebrities Behaving Badly: This Week Literally Stinks October 7, 2011Posted by Benjamin Wendell in Entertainment, Scandals, Uncategorized.
Tags: affair, Ashton Kutcher, breast implants, DWTS, fart, flatulence, Hope Solo, huge penis, Maksim Chermkovskiy, married, Nancy Grace, Rob Kardashian, Sarah Leal, Sharon Osbourne
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I’ve always maintained that in the wide world of the internet, there’s a site for every interest, every obsession, every fetish, and every fleeting thought. Want to find out what’s going on in the world of Monarch butterfly collectors or children who detest snickerdoodle cookies or women who will only date men with six toes on their left foot? They’re out there just waiting for you to log in. So I guess I’m not totally shocked that there is a site for “flatulophiliacs” (which is a word that has too many letter to be useful in Scrabble, but might still come up in next Sunday’s New York Times crossword puzzle). That’s right, kids…there is a segment of the population who classify themselves as…well…fart aficionados. I want to believe they’re all eighth grade boys, but you never know. Anyway, whoever these methane-breathers are, they want to get the rights to this video of Nancy Grace from Monday’s show: turn up the volume and listen carefully at the 13 second mark. Nancy, who to date has had a nip-slip and a televised toot on DWTS, has eclipsed Marie Osmond’s fainting episode. Next week, if she’s shocked at her scores and pees herself, that’ll be the hat-trick.
Meanwhile, Hope Solo thinks her poor standings on DWTS are because the audience feels intimidated by so muscular a woman. Since she did a nude photo shoot for ESPN Magazine, I’ll let you be the judge:
Ok, fine, I’m a little intimidated. But it might also be that she dances as if she’s attacking a defender on a soccer field…grace and fluidity are not her strong points. She does, however, have a bum off which you could bounce a quarter, a trait she shares with her dance pro, Maksim Chermkovskiy. One has to wonder if she and Maks share anything else…like bodily fluids. There was already a rumor that Maks was dating ESPN’s Erin Andrews, his celebrity partner last season
and Rob Kardashian has said in an interview that someone is hooking up with their partner on DWTS this season. Kardashian added the tantalizing hint that it’s a married pro and a married celebrity…which basically eliminates Maks and Hope, who are both single, and narrows it down to Tony Dovolani and Chynna Phillips, who are both married. Since the rehearsal packages have shown Chynna to be such a prude that her most colorful expletive is “Fudge!”, I’m not seeing it, but I’d just love to be proven wrong:
Anything’s possible. It’s a sure bet it’s not Lacy Schwimmer and Chaz Bono (ewwww).
Moving on from DWTS gossip, in this week’s Charlie Sheen update, and by that I mean this week’s Ashton Kutcher update, word on the street is that he’s moved out from his home with Demi Moore. If the general suckage of the new version of “Two And A Half Men” is any indication, Ashton’s having about as bad a week as anyone can who’s clearing $1 million/week. I’m not certain which demographic the writers thought they were appealing to by creating Kutcher’s character as a slightly befuddled multi-billionaire with a huge penis, but it wasn’t me (I can’t identify with the befuddled part.) Anyway, more pictures of Ashton’s paramour, Sarah Leal, have emerged:
The tattoo, by the way, says “See Above”.
Finally, a word about Hollywood animal lovers. We all know that Sharon Osbourne is a huge dog person. Sadly, she’s currently in mourning after losing two of her favorite puppies….she had her breast implants removed after suffering a silicone leak.
That’s all I’ve got. Have a good weekend and try not to pass gas near any open microphones.
Sarah Palin Unauthorized Biography September 14, 2011Posted by Benjamin Wendell in Politics.
Tags: affair, biography, doonesbury, glen rice, joe mcginniss, rogue, sarah palin
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Damned right it’s unauthorized. If even a tenth of this is true…well, you do the math.
And, just to stir the pot a little more, Joe McGinniss’ book claims that Mamma Grizzly had a one-night-stand with Glen Rice in 1987…not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Celebrity Scandal Roundup: A HUGE Day September 24, 2010Posted by Benjamin Wendell in Entertainment.
Tags: affair, american idol, arrest, Ashton Kutcher, Brittney Jones, coke, David Beckham, Demi Moore, drugs, DUI, eliot spitzer, House Judiciary Committee, jail, Jennifer Lopez, katy perry, kristin davis, lindsay lohan, Marc Anthony, mel gibson, Oksana Grigorieva, Posh Spice, Sesame Street, Stephen Colbert
Man, this is better than having Dancing With The Stars, Survivor, and Hell’s Kitchen on all at the same time, and that doesn’t even begin to encompass the joy at the return of Millionaire Matchmaker. (Patty is thinner and bitchier now that her own engagement went the way of the Titanic. She’s not taking any crap from anyone this season.)
Okay, let’s begin with LiLo. Lohan shows up in court expecting a stern talking-to, a new doper anklet, and some more celebrity probation, and before you can say, “Will the defendant please rise?” she’s in cuffs and being perp-walked to the pokey. Apparently the bar is set pretty high in Hollywood. Somewhere around your sixteenth or seventeenth DUI, coke bust, or probation violation, you actually have to do some time. It’s just fortunate she filmed the MTV skit with Chelsea Handler before she got sent to the big house.
Meanwhile, in the department of “Blurring the lines between fantasy and reality”, we had the spectacle of Stephen Colbert testifying before the House Judiciary Committee on the matter of immigrant farm labor. Colbert’s qualifications? He parodies a conservative commentator on his Comedy Central show. This is like if the guy who used to do the “I’m not a doctor but I play one on TV” schtick was appointed as the Undersecretary of Health and Human Services.
Let’s move on to the ever-expanding category of famous guys who can’t keep their peckers in their pants. The latest reported philanderer is none other that Mr. Posh himself, David Beckham. The story is that he paid big bucks for a threesome with two high-priced escorts (with the added somewhat embarassing detail that the encounter lasted 3-4 minutes…not exactly Tiger stats). The first question that comes to mind is why a guy like Beckham would have to pay to get a couple of girls to play share-the-lollipop. The answer, I suppose, is that he probably figured he was paying for discretion and privacy. Apparently he didn’t pay enough. When he denied the first hooker’s story, Kristin Davis, the madam who outed Eliot Spitzer, chipped in with the info that she had sent the second pro to the party. Can the sex tape be far behind?
Meanwhile, over in Cougar-Land, Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore spoke together at the Clinton Global Initiative (just one step lower than the House Judiciary Committee), looking like the classic love-birds despite reports emerging of Kutcher’s text messages to his 21 year-old lover Brittney Jones. It’s clear that no one in Hollywood learned a thing from the Tiger saga. They put hubris in the Grey Goose in every trendy club in LA.
We’re not done. The Mel Gibson tragedy just gets uglier and uglier. The latest twist is the report that Mel’s baby-mamma Oksana Grigorieva, had been paid $15 million (!!!) to destroy the incriminating tapes of Mel devolving into a slobbering lunatic. The implication is that she backed out of the deal, looking for even more money. Huh? Is she stupid? For fifteen mil, Mel can come over to my house right now and scream directly in my ear that I’m a stupid motherfucking whore for twenty-four hours straight. I’ll even serve cocktails and canape’s to keep his vocal cords lubricated.
In another example of failure to appreciate the obvious, Marc Anthony, Jennifer Lopez’s husband, is unhappy about J-Lo’s new gig on American Idol…the one she’s getting $12 million for. His complaint? He doesn’t want to have to spend so much time in LA. Give me a break. It’s twelve freaking million bucks. And if I’m married to Jennifer Lopez, if she gets a job in Kurdistan, I’m trailing that booty all the way to the goat farm.
Finally, why they still laugh at us in Europe: Katy Perry got cut from Sesame Street because she was showing too much cleavage. Madness. The viewers of this show only stopped getting their meals from oversize mammaries a few months ago. They’re not going to turn into sex offenders just because Katy doesn’t dress like a Mennonite. And no matter what the religious wingnuts claim, Bert and Ernie are NOT gay (not that’s there’s anything wrong with that).
At Least It’s Not A Vegas Stripper June 16, 2010Posted by Benjamin Wendell in Scandals.
Tags: affair, al gore, divorce, larry david, laurie david
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Yeah, I know. It’s nothing but a tabloid report…but these guys have been right more than wrong in the last couple of years. And of course Laurie David vehemently denies the story. That may change once the inevitable text messages and emails emerge. Al Gore did, after all, invent the internet.