Celebrities Behaving Badly: Barbara Walters…Really? November 8, 2013Posted by Benjamin Wendell in Entertainment, Scandals.
Tags: affair, barbara walters, feud, go fuck themselves, halloween costume, kathy griffin, niki minaj, Sharon Osbourne, the talk, The View
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Yeah, you know it’s a pretty lame week in salacious gossip when you’ve got to build a story around Barbara Walters. I’ll do what I can to make lemonade.
For what it’s worth, it’s notable that Babs was pretty hot as a young reporter, and that she had an affair with Senator Edward Brooke back in the 1970′s. That has virtually nothing to do with the current story, except to perhaps establish that BaBa Wawa is not quite as stiff and staid as she’d have you believe. Anyway, Walters is busy defending newest “View” co-host Jenny McCarthy, which suggests that the rumors of McCarthy’s impending ouster may be premature. Walter’s defense of McCarthy is hardly surprising, but what was shocking was seeing Kathy Griffin seated butt to butt with Babs on “The View”. It’s been a staple of Griffin’s stand-up for years that she was banned from “The View” for life. (If you want to know why, you might check out Griffin poetically employing all of George Carlin’s infamous “seven dirty words” together in one motherfucking sentence…she’s a god.)
Griffin got right to the point, asking Walters if she was officially unbanned from the show, and Walters denied that she ever had been banned in the first place (yeah, right). The Walters/Griffin feud was not the only drama surrounding The View this week. Sharon Osbourne, co-host of the competing “The Talk” (women really really love to talk…guys love that) was interviewed on Arsenio Hall’s new nighttime gabfest and she revealed that she loves Barbara Walters, but that the rest of the cast “can go fuck themselves”. This made me love Sharon Osbourne all the more…for about two days…at which time she issued the requisite apology. (Sharon apparently doesn’t subscribe to my personal mantra: Fuck ‘em if they can’t take a joke.)
Barbara Walters was not the only ABC news anchor to make the tabloids this week.
Who’d have figured Elizabeth Vargas for a boozer? Well, she does look just a little glazed, but that’s just in retrospect. Anyway, she’s the latest celeb to enter rehab. It’s all so disenchanting. What’s next? Wolf Blitzer admitting he’s a sex addict?
Prepare to lose all your faith in love and romance and moonlight and kittens…yes, it’s true…Courtney Stodden and Dough Hutchinson are getting a divorce.
Fortunately for Vegas bookies, their two and half year romance beat the over/under by about 25 months.
Charlie Sheen, god bless him, is back on TMZ, ranting, and making my life that much better. Every day without batshit craziness from Charlie is like a day without sunshine (or moonlight or kittens…). Charlie is bitching that his ex-wife Brooke Mueller (the one he used to share coke and hookers with) is “EVIL whore who’s putting their twin boys in SERIOUS DANGER“
Apparently, his other ex, Denise Richards, agrees…at least about the twin boys and the danger. Denise, who has custody of Charlie and Brooke’s twin sons Bob and Max (otherwise known as Satan’s spawn) says that the boys are uncontrollable and dangerous to her own daughters. Gee, I wonder how that sort of behavior came about. Nature or nurture…you make the call.
My absolute favorite story of the week is of Paula Abdul, 51, having her much delayed Bat Mitzvah in Israel at the Wailing Wall. In the first place, I had no idea that Abdul (Abdul…really?) was Jewish, but it helps to explain why she has set off my various radars for years, above and beyond my enduring taste for batshit crazy.
Is it just me, or does Shimon Perez look like the happiest alta cocker on the planet?
Finally, what CBB would be complete without at least a little naked booblage? It may be the week after Halloween, but it’s still worth taking a long last lingering look at Niki Minaj’s costume (or lack of same):
By the way, she was a cop (you didn’t miss the handcuffs, did you?)
Celebrities Behaving Badly: The Over/Under On Kimye Is Lower Than Cee Lo’s Probable Jail Sentence October 25, 2013Posted by Benjamin Wendell in Uncategorized.
Tags: affair, blake shelton, gwyneth paltrow, jenna jameson, kanye west, Kim Kardashian, over-the-top, porn star, propose, Vanity Fair
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There was a lot going on this week in Hollyweird. Apparently, once the WWII Memorial reopened, everyone heaved a huge sigh of relief and resumed their game of musical beds. Let’s start the review with the sappy gooey slightly nauseating stuff.
Kanye West rented out San Francisco Giants’ AT&T Park, hired a whole symphony orchestra, lighted the Jumbotron with a proposal, and presented Kim with a rock roughly the size of Ganymede. My usual rule is that the duration of the marriage will be inversely proportional to the number of zeroes in the cost of the wedding, but given that Kimye’s tab is probably over a mil before Vera Wang has even done preliminary drawings on the gown, we can be pretty sure that Kim will be single again before Lindsay Lohan scores her next DUI. As an aside, it marks me as some kind of throwback to a nearly forgotten past, but I always find marriage proposals a little less romantic when they are attended by the betrothed’s infant child…but that’s just me.
Khloe’s wayward hubbie, Lamar Odom, didn’t attend the engagement gala. He thought his presence would be an awkward distraction. He also checked and didn’t see cocaine listed on the hors d’oeuvres menu so figured it wasn’t going to be much of a party anyway. Khloe was there, of course, but she might have been a little distracted herself, given her most recent Instagram post:
We’re not sure if she’s referring to her engagement gift to her sister, or a pesky case of herpes. You make the call.
In a completely unrelated, yet similar, case of marriage intersecting psychotically with social media , Danielle Fishel, Topanga of “Boy Meets World”, who we hadn’t seen or heard from in about a decade, is suddenly weekly tabloid fodder. This week she went on an extended vitriolic slightly incoherent Twitter rant. Included were these gems: “Ppl saying I was FAT @ my wedding: u r the worst kind of ppl on the PLANET. I weigh 107 pounds & am 5’1″. YOU are the reason anorexia exists” and “I hope you’ll look at your own miserable lives and learn to stop judging others on their weight and looks. Love and happiness wins again.”
Yo, Danielle, listen to wise old Grampy Ben: Have a couple of Oreos and chill. It’s ok, really.
In a nice contrast to the obscene ostentation and over-the-top exhibitionism of the Kim and Kanye extravaganza, we have the understated and classy private nuptials of Kelly Clarkson.
She and Brandon Blackstone got married at a resort in Tennessee with just a small group of family and friends in attendance. There were no paparazzi-laden helicopters circling overhead. I give this marriage 3:2 odds to last beyond the next Summer Olympics, which, by Hollywood standards, is well beyond “until death do us part”.
Relationships in Hollywood are a lot like a cow going to a meat packing plant. Going in, he has no idea what is about to transpire, and coming out, he’s hamburger. On the ground beef side of the equation, there’s a couple of high-profile break-up rumors swirling persistently this week.
For instance, Blake Shelton staunchly maintains that a picture of him and rumored paramour Lindsay Sporrer, taken at some dark Hollywood night club, is just indicative of a platonic friendship. Here’s a little taste of Ms. Sporrer, during her Miss California pageant days.
Miranda Lambert, Shelton’s wife, who bears a striking resemblance to his “friend”, says that this isn’t what it looks like…and that she has no intention of getting a divorce.
Mary McCormack, wife of “Smash” director Michael Morris, was not so forgiving when she saw this picture of her husband and “Smash” star Katherine McPhee:
Basically, by the time this picture hit the internet, Morris’ worldly possessions were deposited on the front lawn of his house and the locks had been changed. McPhee, who is also married, basically gave the Ross defense: “We were on a break”. Ok, the music stopped, you can switch beds again.
No word yet on how Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin are doing, but when the Vanity Fair piece detailing her rumored affair with a Miami billionaire hits the stands, Martin may collaborate with Taylor Swift on a really catchy “fuck you, I’m outa here” break-up ballad.
Blake Shelton may get a “don’t ask don’t tell” pass from his wife, but fellow “The Voice” judge CeeLo Green might not be so lucky with a Los Angeles judge. They dropped the rape charge against Green, but still indicted him for allegedly slipping some Ecstasy in a woman’s drink in 2012 (presumably followed by “consensual” sex).
He might still walk on the drug charge, but he’s clearly guilty of something…like heinous misuse of ink.
A short list of the week’s highlight WTF moments:
1- Nineteen year old Justin Bieber was seen with a bottle of beer in his hand while visiting a strip joint in Houston. He also made friends with one of the dancers, Diamond (real name: Cubic Zirconium):
He Touched My Ass I Almost Fainted 😩😩😂😂😂
Well, who wouldn’t?
2- Ex porn star and current “author” Jenna Jameson was summarily given the hook after four minutes on “Good Day New York” when she was so slurred and incoherent that she appeared to be completely blitzed.
I don’t know how she could have slurred her words…she has more experience than anyone on the planet at talking with her mouth full.
3 – Finally:
Hey, why not? It’s good to be Johnny Depp.
Celebrities Behaving Badly: Hard To Top D.C. October 18, 2013Posted by Benjamin Wendell in Entertainment, Scandals.
Tags: affair, bitch, feud, gwyneth paltrow, lady gaga, Madonna, nude photos, perez hilton, texting, V, Vanity Fair
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Truth be told, most of the misbehavior this week didn’t involve celebrities per se. It involved morons in three-piece suits and their minions in three-cornered hats:
Celebrities aren’t that different from anyone else. When this kind of nonsense is occupying every nook and cranny of the national psyche and there’s a very real possiblity that your 401-K is about to go the way of the Betamax, you tend to stay indoors spend your free time checking your ammo supplies. So our tales of Hollywood hijinks are even slimmer than they’ve been the last few weeks…and if someone doesn’t leak a sex tape pretty soon I’m going to have to go back to reporting real news.
Madonna apparently hasn’t been to the movies lately. If she had, she might have taken note of the dozen or so large colorful loud repetitive announcements made prior to every movie on the planet that implore theater-goers to refrain from cell-phoning, texting, and talking during the film. Or maybe she noted the warnings but decided that they applied to Homo sapiens, but not whatever species to which she belongs (I’m pretty sure it’s Divus myshitdon’tstinkus, but I could be mistaken).
Anyway, when Madge was at a screening of “12 Years A Slave” in NYC last week, not only did she text during the movie, but she (this is going to shock the hell out of you) went off on the woman who asked her to please stop. That does it…I’m officially trashing my copy of “The Immaculate Collection” and switching all my workout tunes to Lady Gaga.
Speaking of Lady Gaga, she’s apparently deeply in the midst of a feud with Perez Hilton, apparently some kind of girl-fight. No one is sure exactly what the two are scratching and clawing about, but Perez did post this shot of Gaga from her recent “V” shoot:
Perez snarkily noted that the pic is obviously art, not porn…because…ummm…she has white face paint on. If you ask me, Gaga is just pissed that Miley Cyrus has gotten all the press for the last month.
In other diva news, Katy Perry’s parents, who are evangelical preachers, are becoming increasingly vocal about their displeasure with their daughter’s career choices, calling her a “devil child” who has “fallen into the hands of Satan”. I can’t imagine what the hell they are talking about:
If Katy is in Satan’s hands, it’s a pretty sure bet that Niki Minaj had to scoot over to make room for her. Niki has become Instagram’s new best customer:
Animal prints…never wrong.
There are two minor scandals this week that involve magazine covers. In the first, Gwyneth Paltrow is pissed that “Vanity Fair” is running a cover piece about her of which she does not approve. Rumor has it that the glossy mag is going to reveal that Gwyneth is having an affair with Miami billionaire Jeff Soffer.
I don’t think that was it. I think Vanity Fair called Gwyneth a bitch without calling her Grand Queen Empress Bitch Of The Galaxy. But maybe that’s just me being jealous.
The other huge bugaboo was over this photo of Melissa McCarthy on the cover of “Elle”:
You know what the complaint is? That they covered her in a coat because she’s overweight. But no one was upset by her GQ photos:
File under: No good deed goes unpunished.
Ok, so we’ve covered all the classy women. It would be unfair If we didn’t search under a couple of rocks for guys who are a credit to their gender. Let’s begin with Dan Akroyd. He was doing an interview on an Australian talk show hosted by Ellen Fanning, and completely lost his shit and stormed off the set when she resisted talking about his latest business venture, Crystal Head Vodka. He later referred to Fanning as “a fucking hosebag“. What is it with celebrities and booze, anyway? Justin Timberlake and George Clooney and Sammy Hagar all have their own brand of tequilla, Drew Barrymore has her own line of wines, and Betheny Frankel is CEO of Skinny Girl, which features a whole range of ethanol products for the “Real Wives” crowd:
I’m looking forward to complete marijuana legalization, so we can shop for Miley Maui Wowy, Bieber Blunts, and Snoopdog Slims.
The other classy guy in the news is A-Rod, who according a soon-to-be-released book, had not only a taste for goose-juice, but a proclivity for employing the Big Apple’s ladies of the evening, almost always bringing them to his apartment in twos and threes, once narrowly missing a subsequent visit by Cameron Diaz. Question: Why would he be doing hookers when he’s doing Cameron Diaz? Answer: Because he can.
Finally, more votes in the Parents Of The Year competition:
That’s Kylie and Kendall Jenner in a car outside over-21 club Vignette in Hollywood after partying with Kourtney’s baby-daddy Scott Disick. I’m guessing they were just…umm…tired.
It’s Been A Hell Of A Week For “The Tiger Rule” August 2, 2013Posted by Benjamin Wendell in Entertainment, Politics, Scandals.
Tags: affair, Colin Powell, email, romanian, sext, text, Tiger Rule
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For those of you who haven’t been following along, oh these many years, let me summarize “The Tiger Rule” for you. The rule was named for Tiger Woods, whose many affairs were finally brought to public scrutiny after one of his paramours released the contents of his many text messages and “sexts”. The Tiger Rule basically states that if you make any sort of digital record of your activities whatsoever, including but not limited to text messages, e-mails, videos, and photos, those records will at some point enter the public domain. If there is anything in the digital record that would embarrass you, it’s only a matter of time before it does so. The validity of the Tiger Rule has been proven time and time again, the latest example being Anthony Weiner, with the corollary provided by his communications director, Barbara Morgan.
No one is exempt from the Tiger Rule, and yet its precepts are violated time after time by even the most secretive, cautious, and knowledgeable among us. See under: David Petraeus. Well folks, you’re not going to believe the latest victim. It seems that former Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff and Secretary of State Colin Powell kept up a long communication by email with a Romanian diplomat (those Eastern European women are just hot) since at least 2005. Powell was forced to issue a statement: “Over time, the emails became of a very personal nature, but did not result in an affair.” Uh-huh. We’ll see how his wife feels about that. Meanwhile, I’m hoping against hope that he didn’t include pictures of “Little Colin”…standby.
My Blogmate Shows A Real Failure Of Cynicism November 11, 2012Posted by Benjamin Wendell in Politics, Scandals.
Tags: affair, bill clinton, Dwight Eisenhower, evangelical, honor, honorable, Kennedy, lyndon johnson, petraeus, resignation
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Here’s the deal: A very large number of high government officials have illicit sexual liaisons. A very small number resign. This idea that any sexual misstep whatsoever is an automatic basis for dismissal might sit well with the evangelical crowd, but I suspect that most US citizens and an even larger proportion of global citizens are a bit more forgiving. Otherwise, not only would John F. Kennedy have been on the same chopping block as Bill Clinton, but so would Lyndon Johnson, Franklin Roosevelt, and Dwight Eisenhower, just to name a few. If you want to throw in all the senators, congressman, cabinet members, justices, and various bureau chiefs, you’re basically going to be running the federal government on a skeleton crew.
Again, this is not to say that Petraeus shouldn’t have resigned. He may have his reasons, although I’m not entirely convinced at this point that they are all about the affair. But as a military four-star general, he’s an honorable man in a business that’s built on honor, and maybe that was enough to do what he considered right. The same cannot be extrapolated over the entire landscape of national and international politics.
Scandalous Nights At The Puzzle Palace November 10, 2012Posted by Benjamin Wendell in Politics.
Tags: affair, cia, david petraeus, dci, general, paula broadwell
I really have no idea what the David Petraeus resignation is about or what the long term consequences will be, but from what I’ve seen so far, this is a story with layer after layer, like an onion, and we may never know the core of the matter. It’s hard to believe that the Director of the CIA would resign just over an extramarital affair, but on the other hand, maybe a DCI who can’t even keep his own affair secret shouldn’t be entrusted with the keys to all those drones. I’m sure there are going to be conspiracy theories involving Benghazi, and maybe they will have some basis. I just hope the president and the congress doesn’t waste too much time over all of it. The business of American intelligence and American diplomacy goes on, and in the end, we really are all on the same team. The president now needs to replace the DCI and probably the Secretaries of State and Defense as well. There are good people available. The president needs to find them and get on with the business of governing. And Congress needs to do the same thing.
And as an aside:
Perfectly understandable, General Petraeus.
Republicans Behaving Badly: Do As I Say, Not As I Do October 17, 2012Posted by Benjamin Wendell in Politics, Scandals.
Tags: abortion, affair, christian, dinesh dsouza, hypocrisy, patient, pregnant, scandal, scott desjarlais
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After Romney’s spanking last night, let me be the first to gleefully kick the bastards while they’re down.
After hearing Mitt flounder and fumble as he unsuccessfully tried to explain away his hard right views on Planned Parenthood, contraception, women’s rights (“binders full of women“?? really??), and equal pay for equal work, it’s again appropriate to paint the GOP as the party that called Sandra Fluke a slut, is appalled that health insurance plans have to include birth control pills as a covered expense, categorizes rapes into “legitimate” and “illegitimate”, and treats Planned Parenthood clinics like repositories for the plague. These guys have got Jesus on their side and they aren’t the least bit shy about sticking their long white noses into your bedroom. They are the moral arbitors of all things American.
Which is why it’s such a delight when you hear that Dinesh D’Souza, the Christian fundamentalist conservative pundit who put out the “Obama is a Kenyan closet Muslim anti-American” documentary, “2016: Obama’s America”, is in a world of hurt over the discovery that he shared a hotel room with a woman who was not his wife while attending an event on Christian values. D’Souza claims that he and his wife Dixie (really?) have been separated for two years, which is reminiscent of Ross’ classic line on “Friends”: “We were on a break!”.
Then you’ve got Tennessee Republican congressman Scott DesJarlais, another staunch anti-abortion firebreather, and a physician to boot. It turns out that this guy had an affair with a patient, got her pregnant, and pressured her to get an abortion. DesJarlais admits to the affair, but denies the pregnancy or his urging of the abortion, even though he’s right there on an audio tape doing exactly that. He also explains that he and his wife Susan were in an “open marriage” at the time (presumably charter members of the Newt Gingrich wife swapping and Bible study group).
Celebrities Behaving Badly: The Twilight Ta-Ta’s Edition October 5, 2012Posted by Benjamin Wendell in Entertainment, Scandals.
Tags: affair, american idol, Arnold Schwarzenegger, christen stewart, feud, hulk hogan, lady gaga, mariah carey, nicki minaj, nipples, sex tape, topless
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Just when I thought this week was going to be an utter washout, like manna from the heavens, I was delivered a veritable feast of nakedity. Kristen Stewart is topless in her new film, “On The Road”! [For those of you who are not familiar with the concept, click on the link and scroll down to the bottom of the page for the "NSFW" pics.]
As an aside, it looks like she’s back together again with Robert Pattinson. Apparently vampire sex is just that good.
Bella the bloodsucker is not the only naked celeb of the week. Your favorite little monster, Lady Gaga herself, is flaunting some nipplage in a twitter pic with her and designer Donatella Versace.
For those of you who won’t convulse at the sight of areola, the uncensored image is available here. I’d be staring at it myself, but I can’t pull my eyes away from Versace’s silicone lips. Note to her plastic surgeon: Know when to say when.
In other naked news, the future queen of England has been further exploited by those soulless European tabloids, which courtesy of a 4000 power telescopic lens, have not only topless picture of Kate, but bottomless pictures as well. I, for one, would never lower myself to gazing upon the royal lady parts, but if any of you sick puppies insist, you can check this Egotastic link for the full album. God save the queen.
In train wreck news, Lindsay Lohan is at it again. Police were called to her New York hotel suite at 4:30AM when she got into a scuffle with a guy she’d invited to her room. Apparently she wanted to confiscate his cell phone after he took some pictures of which she did not approve. One can only imagine what might be contained in those images. Anderson Cooper had the best summary of the Lilo situation on his afternoon talk show. He said (paraphrasing), “Look, she’s only been in New York two weeks and has already had two incidents involving police. I’ve lived here my whole life and I’ve never even talked to a cop.”
On a similar note, singer Fiona Apple was arrested at the Willy Nelson Memorial Border Crossing in Sierra Blanca, Texas when the authorities found hashish on her tour bus. Two weeks later, during a concert in Clearwater, Florida, she sat down mid-performance and staged a legendary rant excoriating the tabloid press in general and Perez Hilton in particular. Hey, dude, take a toke and chill, ok? Meanwhile, if she’d like to include us in her next rant, it’s spelled L-E-F-T….
Hey, cowboy, how ’bout I shine that big old belt buckle?: Country star Jason Aldean, apparently unaware of “The Tiger Rule”, was cell phone photographed at a bar fondling former “American Idol” contestant Brittany Kerr. In damage control mode, Aldean immediately tweeted that he’d been led astray by the alcohol (and his conscienceless dick). [Totally false (the dick part). I made that up.]
In other American Idol news, the dueling divas feud has already commenced (no, not Seacrest and Randy Jackson…the other divas). In the midst of an audition taping in Charlotte, NC, Nicki Minaj and Mariah Carey got into it over the vocal attributes of a contestant. At one point, Minaj reportedly told the producers, “I told them, I’m not fuckin’ puttin’ up with her fuckin’ highness over there!” Rumor has it that Minaj also threatened to shoot Carey and that Carey has beefed up her security. This is just getting too weird. I’m guessing that Ellen DeGeneres never got up in Randy’s grill, and the worst thing Paula Abdul ever did was slur Simon’s name in a Xanax haze. Still, I’m beginning to rethink my vow to drop AI this season.
Celebrities behaving politically badly: If you didn’t catch the Arnold Schwarzenegger interview, let me sum it up for you in the governator’s own words, “Yah, correct, I am a prick, and wit my huge weinerschnitzle I schtupped Bridget Nielson real good. Maria, dat skinny bitch, had no clue. Seig Heil!…ach!…I mean, guten nacht.” And here’s why you can be a creative genius and still ought to stay out of the handicapping business: Seth MacFarlane, creator of “Family Guy” and future Academy Awards host, said in an interview Wednesday, “I think, at this point, Obama could walk out onto the stage with his penis out [and] he’s still going to win.” Maybe the president should have tried that ploy.
Best picture of the week:
Hey, who wouldn’t?
Finally, the story I think we’ve all been breathlessly anticipating: Hulk Hogan Sex Tape Leaks! This one ought to be subtitled, “The banality of celebrity.” Watch the tape. See if you enjoy it as much as I did when he stops to answer a cell call from his son. Ah…romance in the 21st century.
Stick A Fork In Him December 2, 2011Posted by Benjamin Wendell in Politics.
Tags: affair, Gloria Cain, Herman Cain, marriage
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The Cain Train Is In A World Of Pain November 29, 2011Posted by Benjamin Wendell in Politics.
Tags: affair, divorce, Ginger White, Herman Cain, Newt Gingrich
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Herman Cain ought to hire Jimmie Kimmel’s band and make “Lyin’ Ass Bitch” his campaign theme, since that’s what he’s calling a FIFTH woman who’s accused him of some kind of extramarital sexual adventure. Apparently Ginger White, just like all the others, has created another delusional tale of Herm playing hide the salami at various offices, hotels, and motels over the course of thirteen years, and even went to the extreme of forging dozens of text messages and emails to back up her fictional story. Look, at this point Cain is subject to Ben’s Divorce Rule: If you’ve been divorced five times, maybe it’s you.
The question now is not whether Cain’s reputation is irreparably tarnished, but what sort of reputation he had in the first place. In what kind of Alice-down-the-rabbit-hole hallucinogenic universe would any rational citizen want Herman Cain to be President of the United States? This guy is so inarticulate he makes George Bush look like the debate team coach at Oxford and so ignorant on foreign policy that he makes Michele Bachmann look like Madeline Albright. Does anyone without a severe closed head injury genuinely want Herman Cain to be the one looking across a conference table from Vladimir Putin or Benjamin Netanyahu? Face it…with this guy still in the race, Newt Gingrich is basically Winston Churchill without the cigar.