Celebrities Behaving Badly: Christmas Is Merrier With A Sex Tape December 28, 2012
Posted by Benjamin Wendell in Entertainment, Scandals.Tags: Ashton Kutcher, chad johnson, Demi Moore, divorce, escort, kate winslet, Las Vegas, marriage, ochocinco, sex tape, suzy hamilton
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Ok, so you’ve gotta be quick when you’re in the celebrity sleaze racket. As of yesterday, the news was out that Chad Johnson, previously Chad Ochocinco, had a sex tape. As of today, just about every copy of it that his lawyers can find has been yanked off the internet. But I’m here to help. You can catch a glimpse of the vignette here and a screensave here:
By all reports, the ochocinco thing is a bit of an overestimate…but not by much.
Johnson was not the only athlete with a sex scandal. Three-time US olympian Suzy Favor Hamilton confided that she’d worked for a time as a $600/hour Las Vegas Escort.
It’s unknown whether Ms. Hamilton offered an endurance event or a sprint.
Lots of Hollywood’s finest were getting in the Christmas spirit:
“Twilight” actor Bronson Pelletier was arrested at LAX for public intoxication. The police probably would have just given him a warning, but had to cuff him when he mistook a Soutwest security door for a urinal.
ABC’s Sam Donaldson was booked for a DUI while visiting Deleware.
“Terminator 3″ star Nick Stahl was busted by LA cops for “lewd conduct” in a Hollywood porn shop. One of the arresting officers had previously notched his vice belt on Fred Willard for the same offense. I for one am thrilled the LAPD is keeping the world safe from serial masturbators. And could someone send Stahl and Willard a memo explaining this new-fangled thing we call the internet?
In this week’s naked news:
Wendy Williams may not have gone deep on “Dancing With The Stars”, but she covers a lot of ground for PETA:
I’ve watched Wendy a lot on her talk show and on DWTS…someone went crazy with an airbrush…just sayin’.
And Hayden Panettiere isn’t quite naked, but her suggestion for a new Laker’s uniform ought to be taken seriously:
The musical chairs game that is Hollywood romance:
Ashton Kutcher finally officially filed for divorce from Demi Moore. Demi was reportedly “shocked” (but with the Botox it was hard to tell).
Tim Tebow and model Camilla Belle split the sheets…oh, wait…there were no sheets involved. Tebow is now in the market for a new team and another supermodel virgin. He might just be in luck. Catarina Migliorini, the 20 year-old Brazilian woman who auctioned off her virginity two months ago on Ebay for $780,000 has not yet closed the deal, so to speak. Now she’s done a photo shoot for Playboy, perhaps trying to bump up her market value:
Tim, trust me, opportunities like this don’t come by every day.
ESPN reporter Samantha Steele married Minnesota Vikings quarterback Christian Ponder after a three week engagement. Sort of adds a new meaning to “three and out”.
Italy’s president, Silvio Berlusconi, announced his engagement to 28 year-old Francesca Pascale
who he affectionately refers to as his ”Bunga Bunga Bunny”. (Absolutely false. I made up that last part.)
Betheny Frankel and Jason Hoppy (really?) are separated. She got pissed after he tried to force her to have a tuna sandwich and some chips.
Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth might or might not be married (and you might or might not care).
Kate Winslet IS married. Her new husband is (I’m not making this up) Ned Rocknroll. The best man was Roger Reggae and the ceremony was officiated by Harry Hip Hop. Leonardo DiCaprio walked Kate down the aisle (that part I didn’t make up).
I think that just about wraps it up after a week off. Happy New Year! Remember “The Tiger Rule”: If you make a sex tape, I WILL find it.
BW
Celebrities Behaving Badly: Adults Only Edition November 11, 2011
Posted by Benjamin Wendell in Entertainment, Scandals, Sports.Tags: "Sex" book, America's Got Talent, Ashton Kutcher, Billy Chrystal, chaz bono, eddie murphy, howard stern, Joe Paterno, Madonna, Oscars, tiger woods, tweets
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Look, it’s in incredibly poor taste to wring any levity out of the Penn State scandal, but they didn’t reserve that luxury suite in hell for me for nothing. I know I can’t have been the only one thinking this, because I heard it this morning from a friend, who for his own protection and dignity shall remain anonymous: The only way it could have been worse is if it had happened at Notre Dame. Forgive me father, for I have sinned.
The other guy who’s in trouble for making light of the Pedophilia State (whoops, I meant Penn State) scandal is Ashton Kutcher. He tweeted something about how, as a Hawkeye fan, he found it in poor taste to fire JoePa. It took him about five nanoseconds to begin tweeting the retractions, apologies, and mea culpas. What he should be apologizing for is his pitiful portrayal of the Charlie Sheen wannabe on “Two And A Half Men”. As for Ashton and Demi, depending on which gossip rag you want to believe, they are or are not getting a divorce. If I had to make a guess, I’d say they have some sort of “arrangement”. No matter what, they’ve beat the 72-day mark several times over.
Speaking of child abuse, guess who had a “tortured” childhood. Naturally, it was Madonna. I mean, didn’t all celebrities have tortured childhoods? (Well, maybe not Ron Howard…except for that one incident with Sheriff Andy and Otis back behind the jailhouse…but that was probably just a vicious rumor [note: completely fictitious. I made that up.] ) Madonna said kids in school used to refer to her as “hairy monster”.
I had a copy of her “Sex” book back in the 80′s and I sort of get their point. Oh well, the say success is the best revenge.
Here’s a bit of good news for me. I’ll probably never have to watch another episode of old guys riding unicycles while farting “The Star Spangled Banner” on “America’s Got Talent”. There’s talk that Howard Stern is in talks to replace judge Piers Morgan on the show, and Mrs. Left hates Howard Stern.
I suppose the biggest news of the week is the other replacement host. Eddie Murphy bowed out of hosting the Oscar Awards after his buddy producer Brett Ratner got canned for remarking, “Rehearse? Only fags rehearse,” (which might explain why so many of them are such fabulous entertainers, but maybe that’s just my take on it). It would have been the perfect irony and the perfect instant karma if the new producer had snagged Neil Patrick Harris for the gig, but he went instead with Billy Chrystal…which I suppose begs the question; why didn’t they just pick Billy Chrystal in the first place? In fact, why doesn’t Chrystal have the job for life, or until Bob Hope is resurrected, whichever comes first?
Ok, so Nancy Grace got evicted on DWTS this week so she can go back to raging about abused children fulltime, and her own children won’t have to suffer the indignity of seeing their mommy turn a jive into a reason for the paramedics to be on instant standby. And speaking of DWTS and watching painful celebrity dances, almost nothing could have made watching Chaz Bono less awkward and uncomfortable, except for maybe this:
Thanks, Chaz. We get it, we get it…you really really want to be a guy. But that thing on your face was just awful. As for the rest of the package…oh, never mind.
In the category of “What’s lower than D-list celebrities?”: Octomom Nadya Suleman Takes On Long Island Lolita Amy Fisher In Boxing Match (Old joke: Have you seen Amy Fisher’s appearance on Jay Leno?…No, but I’ve seen her box.)
Finally, Tiger is back on top…of a golfing tournament, not a Vegas cocktail waitress. Woods leads the Australian Open after two rounds. It’s an encouraging sign. And given the sports scandal that hit the headlines this week, we ought to have a little perspective and cut Woods some slack. Tiger may have been boorish and fidelity-challenged, but his addiction was to FULL GROWN ADULT WOMEN. Sort of refreshing when you look at it that way, huh?
BW
Celebrities Behaving Badly: Return Of The Weinermobile October 13, 2011
Posted by Benjamin Wendell in Uncategorized.Tags: anthony weiner, Ashton Kutcher, chaz bono, hot tub, package, penis, Sara Leal, Traci Nobles, tweet, unprotected sex
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I’m a day early with the weekly CBB report, but I’ll be away from the blog, my keyboard, and civilization for the next ten days, so you’ll be left to the tender mercies of my conservative blogmate until October 24. I figured the least I could do was leave you with my favorite “three S’s”: sex, scandal, and snark.
This week’s theme is kiss and tell. In the old days, celebrities and politicians could rape and pillage whole villages and the only news the public would get is that they’d just met with the Albanian delegation or started work on a new musical comedy. Marilyn Monroe never breathed a word about skinny dipping in the White House pool. Not a single boyfriend of Rock Hudson ever spilled to the gossip columnist at the New York Post. No longer. Now if a celebritician once TP’ed old Mrs. Titlebaum’s house when they were 10, it’s a sure bet Mrs. Titlebaum now has a literary agent and a deal for an expose’ in Vanity Fair.
Now Traci Nobles, one of the six women with whom ex-congressman Anthony Weiner reportedly had online affairs, has come out with her tell-all book, appropriately titled, “I Friended You”. The good news is that in the nine months of their relationship, they discussed a lot of things that did not involve “throbbing”, “moist”, or “erupting”. The bad news is that some of what they discussed was Weiner’s dissatisfaction with his too conservative Muslim wife…which demonstrates general ungentlemanliness and a disturbing lack of foresight from a supposedly bright Jewish boy (what the hell did he expect when he married the woman?) But there’s one take-home lesson I think we can all agree upon, and it’s an important corollary of “The Tiger Rule”: DON’T TWEET YOUR WEINER. Words to live by.
In the second example of the fact that exchanging bodily fluids in 2011 doesn’t necessarily confer any expectation of discretion, Ashton Kutcher’s twenty-something home-wrecker, Sara Leal
that’s her on the right, has revealed to “Us Weekly” that she and Kutcher, after naked hot-tubbing with a few other nymphettes, had “unprotected sex”. Well, d’uh…don’t all celebrities have unprotected sex? Aren’t they, like adolescents and college students, immortal and immune? Hell, for me, I’d be worried just about the naked hot-tubbing. The least you’re going to come away with is some kind of weepy rash.
Bait and switch headline of the week: Scotty McCreery Has Gas On Ellen Degeneres Show: I was gleeful at the thought of another Nancy Grace moment. God knows, nothing sells blog posts like fart humor. Alas, this was nothing more than Ellen seeing what would happen to the Idol winner’s famous baritone when he sucked some helium out of a balloon. Oh, the hilarity! Next week she’ll have Lindsay Lohan on to try some nitrous oxide…
Speaking of Nancy Grace, that gives me a lead-in to this week’s DWTS update and an excuse to post this picture of Lacey Schwimmer,
who is demonstrating not only why she’s a fabulous professional dancer, but why she’s been voted “most desirable date in LA”. (Ok, I made that up.) Chynna Phillips got voted off this week after having a brain-fart during her tango routine, and came to the startling conclusion that DWTS “is a popularity contest, not a dance competition“. Gee, ya think? That’s the only explanation for Lacey’s partner, Chaz Bono, returning week after week…because it is painful to watch him dance. On the other hand, it’s hard to imagine why he’s so popular (ewww factor: 10).
Finally, in a call-back to the Weinermobile title: Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Tiger Woods had a hot dog thrown at him during his final round at the Frys.com Open. Aside from that, his 30th place finish was considered an improvement. At least he made the cut. The irony is that if Tiger had just been a little more careful throwing out his hot dog, he might still be the best golfer in the world.
That’s it, kids. Remember one thing while I’m away: No matter what my blogmate tries to tell you, IT WAS BUSH’S FAULT.
BW
Celebrities Behaving Badly: This Week Literally Stinks October 7, 2011
Posted by Benjamin Wendell in Entertainment, Scandals, Uncategorized.Tags: affair, Ashton Kutcher, breast implants, DWTS, fart, flatulence, Hope Solo, huge penis, Maksim Chermkovskiy, married, Nancy Grace, Rob Kardashian, Sarah Leal, Sharon Osbourne
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I’ve always maintained that in the wide world of the internet, there’s a site for every interest, every obsession, every fetish, and every fleeting thought. Want to find out what’s going on in the world of Monarch butterfly collectors or children who detest snickerdoodle cookies or women who will only date men with six toes on their left foot? They’re out there just waiting for you to log in. So I guess I’m not totally shocked that there is a site for “flatulophiliacs” (which is a word that has too many letter to be useful in Scrabble, but might still come up in next Sunday’s New York Times crossword puzzle). That’s right, kids…there is a segment of the population who classify themselves as…well…fart aficionados. I want to believe they’re all eighth grade boys, but you never know. Anyway, whoever these methane-breathers are, they want to get the rights to this video of Nancy Grace from Monday’s show: turn up the volume and listen carefully at the 13 second mark. Nancy, who to date has had a nip-slip and a televised toot on DWTS, has eclipsed Marie Osmond’s fainting episode. Next week, if she’s shocked at her scores and pees herself, that’ll be the hat-trick.
Meanwhile, Hope Solo thinks her poor standings on DWTS are because the audience feels intimidated by so muscular a woman. Since she did a nude photo shoot for ESPN Magazine, I’ll let you be the judge:
Ok, fine, I’m a little intimidated. But it might also be that she dances as if she’s attacking a defender on a soccer field…grace and fluidity are not her strong points. She does, however, have a bum off which you could bounce a quarter, a trait she shares with her dance pro, Maksim Chermkovskiy. One has to wonder if she and Maks share anything else…like bodily fluids. There was already a rumor that Maks was dating ESPN’s Erin Andrews, his celebrity partner last season
and Rob Kardashian has said in an interview that someone is hooking up with their partner on DWTS this season. Kardashian added the tantalizing hint that it’s a married pro and a married celebrity…which basically eliminates Maks and Hope, who are both single, and narrows it down to Tony Dovolani and Chynna Phillips, who are both married. Since the rehearsal packages have shown Chynna to be such a prude that her most colorful expletive is “Fudge!”, I’m not seeing it, but I’d just love to be proven wrong:
Anything’s possible. It’s a sure bet it’s not Lacy Schwimmer and Chaz Bono (ewwww).
Moving on from DWTS gossip, in this week’s Charlie Sheen update, and by that I mean this week’s Ashton Kutcher update, word on the street is that he’s moved out from his home with Demi Moore. If the general suckage of the new version of “Two And A Half Men” is any indication, Ashton’s having about as bad a week as anyone can who’s clearing $1 million/week. I’m not certain which demographic the writers thought they were appealing to by creating Kutcher’s character as a slightly befuddled multi-billionaire with a huge penis, but it wasn’t me (I can’t identify with the befuddled part.) Anyway, more pictures of Ashton’s paramour, Sarah Leal, have emerged:
The tattoo, by the way, says “See Above”.
Finally, a word about Hollywood animal lovers. We all know that Sharon Osbourne is a huge dog person. Sadly, she’s currently in mourning after losing two of her favorite puppies….she had her breast implants removed after suffering a silicone leak.
That’s all I’ve got. Have a good weekend and try not to pass gas near any open microphones.
BW
Celebrities Behaving Badly: One Jewish Man Who Won’t Lie To You September 30, 2011
Posted by Benjamin Wendell in Entertainment, Scandals.Tags: Ashton Kutcher, break-up, Demi Moore, Elisabetta Canalis, gay, George Clooney, jewish men lie, mistress, Nancy Grace, nip slip, Patti Stanger, promiscuity, Stacey Kiebler
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I happen to be a fan of “Millionaire Matchmaker”, mainly because I tend to feel much better about myself when I see a bunch of guys worth mega-millions who seem to have the social skills of your average teenage computer hacker. I also have a particular fondness for loud brassy aggressive Jewish women…it’s not for nothing that I’ve seen every episode of “The Nanny”, some of them two or three times on “Nick At Night”. So I’m rather familiar with Patti Stanger, who says what she thinks without any particular regard for who’s listening or who might be offended, and who thought she was wrong once…but she was mistaken.
Patti’s tendency to open her mouth well before engaging her brain landed her as celebrity moron-of-the-week, since Charlie Sheen has been on hiatus. Appearing on “Watch What Happens Live” last Sunday, Stanger generalized that gay men can’t stop being promiscuous and that “Jewish men lie”. Coincidentally, Andy Cohen, the host of the show, is Jewish and gay. Whoops! I’ll take the second contention first. I happen to be a Jewish male and while I can’t speak for all of my contemporaries, it’s a sure bet I’ve gotten myself in a hell of a lot more trouble over the years being brutally honest than I ever did dissembling. If you check the comments in any of the many articles reviewing Patti’s remarks, you’ll find a lot of remarks like, “It’s not that Jewish men lie. It’s that all men lie. They’re men.” Fine, I’ll keep that in mind next time one of you asks me if your ass looks fat in these pants.
As to Stanger’s implication that gay males are congenital man-sluts, she’s certainly not telling us anything we haven’t heard before. In this case the counter-argument that all men tend toward promiscuity might be valid…you know, that whole evolutionary benefit to spreading your seed far and wide and all that. It just seems that heterosexual men more often make the choice of monogamy, perhaps because of our understanding of the consequences doled out by our heterosexual mates if we choose to do otherwise. So the conclusion here is that all men want to sample as many partners as possible, but that gay men are just better at it. For what it’s worth, there have been countless scientific and sociological studies on this very question. A recent study showed that most gay men and heterosexual men had about equal numbers of lifetime sexual partners, but a significant minority of gay men, 13%, had stratospheric numbers. I’m never sure how much credence to put in these surveys…they depend on people answering intimate questions honestly. Let’s see how many boxes got checked “yes” on the enemas with midgets question.
Speaking of the aforementioned Charlie Sheen, “Two And A Half Men” creator and producer Chuck Lorre is reportedly writing a tell-all memoir. If it really does tell all, they may have to stock it in the horror section, right next to Stephen King. By the way, if you ever find yourself bored with Angry Birds and internet porn, you might enjoy going to Chuck Lorre’s “vanity card” site. These are the little apocryphal stories, essays, and poems you see flash by your screen briefly at the end of “Big Bang Theory”, “Two And A Half Men” and other Lorre productions. They are uniformly brilliant.
Let’s talk “Dancing With The Stars” just a little bit. I’ve already reviewed the Nancy Grace “Janet Jackson moment”, an image I’ve tried unsuccessfully to banish from memory these last four days. Nancy still staunchly maintains that the nipple we all saw was not a nipple…apparently conservative talk-show hosts don’t have nipples. We’ll check it out with Sean Hannity. Grace’s lady parts apparently aren’t the only featured anatomy on the DWTS set. The queen of TMI, DWTS alum Kendra Wilkinson, tells us that she calmed her nerves every Tuesday by having sex in her trailer with husband Hank Baskett…or three lucky members of the dance troupe, depending on who was available (ok, I made that last part up.) This Tuesday, Elisabetta Canalis, George Clooney’s ex, who committed the unforgivable DWTS sin of being pissy with her dance pro, was summarily dismissed from the ballroom. She’s had a tough year, dumpage-wise. Clooney was probably not glued to his 80 inch HDTV at the villa Tuesday night. He spends most of his time these days looking UP:
Given Clooney’s proclivity for DWTS alumni, how long can it be before he hooks up with Wendy Williams??
I’m just sayin’. You want to know how good it is to be George Clooney? I’ll tell you. While filming his new movie, “The Ides Of March”, he went skinny dipping with Marisa Tomei and Evan Rachel Wood. Hell, I’d feel lucky just to get flashed by Whoopi Goldberg, let alone get naked with Marisa Tomei. I only went skinny dipping once in my life, back in high school. I think it was the origin of the term “shrinkage”…but hey, it was COLD water.
The set of Dancing With The Stars more or less proves that the world has gone mad, but not because of the reasons you might imagine. It’s not Bruno’s bombast or the frightening proliferation of fringe, spandex, and sequins. Yesterday, someone sent a “suspicious letter” containing a white powder addressed to “Dancing With The Stars“, which spurred an evacuation and a production shut-down. Note to whichever douche nozzle perpetrated this outrageous act of terrorism: If you don’t like Chaz Bono, Carson Kressley, or even Rob Kardashian, don’t vote for them, or just go back to watching Bill O’Reilly. And I hope the next powder you smell is on the rubber gloves right before they begin your full body cavity search.
In this week’s example of art imitating life, Ashton Kutcher, who’s taken over Charlie Sheen’s part of the testosterone-sated horndog on “Two And A Half Men” has reportedly separated from his wife of six years, Demi Moore. This was after pictures emerged of Ashton with 23-y/o Sara Leal (note: Demi is 48 and Ashton is 33).
I can’t imagine what Kutcher could be thinking. If he just sticks it out with Demi a few more years, he’ll never have the embarrassment of going to CVS for tampons ever again.
Finally, and I do mean finally, it’s over between Jesse James and Kat Von D. Really. This time it’s really over. She’s having the tatt of Jesse inked over with an orangutan ass…oh, wait…no change necessary.
BW
It’s Friday: Time For Celebrities Behaving Badly May 13, 2011
Posted by Benjamin Wendell in Entertainment, Scandals.Tags: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Ashton Kutcher, Charlie Sheen, dancing with the stars, Demi Moore, divorce, genital, Heather Mills, herpes, Kirsty Ally, Marie Shriver, open marriage, tiger woods
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Ok, so first in the “build your own joke” category, is the following headline (with a tip of the hat to friend-of-the-blog Cathy H.):
Tiger Woods Withdraws After Nine Holes
For Tiger, that barely constitutes a busy afternoon.
Then we have Kirstie Alley, who is wildly funny and doing a fabulous job on “Dancing With The Stars”, and who has clearly lost a lot of weight while rehearsing six hours a day for the last two months. But she actually said that she’s now down to a size 4 or 6:
Umm, is that American or metric?
In the category of “scandal you haven’t yet heard about but will soon” is the story of a woman who is suing an unnamed A-list Hollywood celebrity for $20 million for knowingly giving her herpes during an encounter in a Las Vegas hotel. That’s amusing enough, but what will make you snort milk through your nose is this TMZ video that asks the question “Would you take a case of genital herpes for $20 million?”
In the category of “she’s well rid of him” we have Jesse James claiming on the Howard Stern show that Kat Von D is “100% better in bed than Sandra Bullock”. In the first place, even saying such a thing is rude, tasteless, and of questionable veracity. In the second place, anyone would take one look at Kat Von D and worry about that $20 million dollar issue above. Lastly, even if Sandra Bullock was as frigid as Green Bay in January, you’d still wake up in the morning and think, “I’m sleeping with Sandra Bullock”. That’s hot.
Speaking of adultery in high places, word on the street is that Arnold Schwarzenegger’s marital problems stem directly from the ex-gov’s proclivity for housing “little Arnold” in places he ought not go. That would be suspicious claim if not for Schwarzenegger’s somewhat spotted history prior to his stay in Sacramento. The words “serial-groper” come to mind.
No surprise here: Matthew Perry Heads Back To Rehab Maybe he watched a couple episodes of “Mr. Sunshine”. If that doesn’t make you want to gobble a handful of pills, nothing will.
And the Sonny Bono award goes to: Heather Mills Hospitalized After Ski Accident This would be a sicker joke if she’d broken her leg, but alas, it was her scapula.
Finally, in the “he seems like way too nice a guy” category: Ashton Kutcher To Replace Charlie Sheen On Two And A Half Men On the other hand, maybe Chuck Lorre knows what he’s doing: Ashton Kutcher And Demi Moore Have Open Marriage, Threesomes. It’s good to be a celebrity.
BW
Celebrity Scandal Roundup: A HUGE Day September 24, 2010
Posted by Benjamin Wendell in Entertainment.Tags: affair, american idol, arrest, Ashton Kutcher, Brittney Jones, coke, David Beckham, Demi Moore, drugs, DUI, eliot spitzer, House Judiciary Committee, jail, Jennifer Lopez, katy perry, kristin davis, lindsay lohan, Marc Anthony, mel gibson, Oksana Grigorieva, Posh Spice, Sesame Street, Stephen Colbert
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Man, this is better than having Dancing With The Stars, Survivor, and Hell’s Kitchen on all at the same time, and that doesn’t even begin to encompass the joy at the return of Millionaire Matchmaker. (Patty is thinner and bitchier now that her own engagement went the way of the Titanic. She’s not taking any crap from anyone this season.)
Okay, let’s begin with LiLo. Lohan shows up in court expecting a stern talking-to, a new doper anklet, and some more celebrity probation, and before you can say, “Will the defendant please rise?” she’s in cuffs and being perp-walked to the pokey. Apparently the bar is set pretty high in Hollywood. Somewhere around your sixteenth or seventeenth DUI, coke bust, or probation violation, you actually have to do some time. It’s just fortunate she filmed the MTV skit with Chelsea Handler before she got sent to the big house.
Meanwhile, in the department of “Blurring the lines between fantasy and reality”, we had the spectacle of Stephen Colbert testifying before the House Judiciary Committee on the matter of immigrant farm labor. Colbert’s qualifications? He parodies a conservative commentator on his Comedy Central show. This is like if the guy who used to do the “I’m not a doctor but I play one on TV” schtick was appointed as the Undersecretary of Health and Human Services.
Let’s move on to the ever-expanding category of famous guys who can’t keep their peckers in their pants. The latest reported philanderer is none other that Mr. Posh himself, David Beckham. The story is that he paid big bucks for a threesome with two high-priced escorts (with the added somewhat embarassing detail that the encounter lasted 3-4 minutes…not exactly Tiger stats). The first question that comes to mind is why a guy like Beckham would have to pay to get a couple of girls to play share-the-lollipop. The answer, I suppose, is that he probably figured he was paying for discretion and privacy. Apparently he didn’t pay enough. When he denied the first hooker’s story, Kristin Davis, the madam who outed Eliot Spitzer, chipped in with the info that she had sent the second pro to the party. Can the sex tape be far behind?
Meanwhile, over in Cougar-Land, Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore spoke together at the Clinton Global Initiative (just one step lower than the House Judiciary Committee), looking like the classic love-birds despite reports emerging of Kutcher’s text messages to his 21 year-old lover Brittney Jones. It’s clear that no one in Hollywood learned a thing from the Tiger saga. They put hubris in the Grey Goose in every trendy club in LA.
We’re not done. The Mel Gibson tragedy just gets uglier and uglier. The latest twist is the report that Mel’s baby-mamma Oksana Grigorieva, had been paid $15 million (!!!) to destroy the incriminating tapes of Mel devolving into a slobbering lunatic. The implication is that she backed out of the deal, looking for even more money. Huh? Is she stupid? For fifteen mil, Mel can come over to my house right now and scream directly in my ear that I’m a stupid motherfucking whore for twenty-four hours straight. I’ll even serve cocktails and canape’s to keep his vocal cords lubricated.
In another example of failure to appreciate the obvious, Marc Anthony, Jennifer Lopez’s husband, is unhappy about J-Lo’s new gig on American Idol…the one she’s getting $12 million for. His complaint? He doesn’t want to have to spend so much time in LA. Give me a break. It’s twelve freaking million bucks. And if I’m married to Jennifer Lopez, if she gets a job in Kurdistan, I’m trailing that booty all the way to the goat farm.
Finally, why they still laugh at us in Europe: Katy Perry got cut from Sesame Street because she was showing too much cleavage. Madness. The viewers of this show only stopped getting their meals from oversize mammaries a few months ago. They’re not going to turn into sex offenders just because Katy doesn’t dress like a Mennonite. And no matter what the religious wingnuts claim, Bert and Ernie are NOT gay (not that’s there’s anything wrong with that).
BW
