It’s Friday: Time For Celebrities Behaving Badly May 13, 2011Posted by Benjamin Wendell in Entertainment, Scandals.
Tags: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Ashton Kutcher, Charlie Sheen, dancing with the stars, Demi Moore, divorce, genital, Heather Mills, herpes, Kirsty Ally, Marie Shriver, open marriage, tiger woods
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Ok, so first in the “build your own joke” category, is the following headline (with a tip of the hat to friend-of-the-blog Cathy H.):
For Tiger, that barely constitutes a busy afternoon.
Then we have Kirstie Alley, who is wildly funny and doing a fabulous job on “Dancing With The Stars”, and who has clearly lost a lot of weight while rehearsing six hours a day for the last two months. But she actually said that she’s now down to a size 4 or 6:
Umm, is that American or metric?
In the category of “scandal you haven’t yet heard about but will soon” is the story of a woman who is suing an unnamed A-list Hollywood celebrity for $20 million for knowingly giving her herpes during an encounter in a Las Vegas hotel. That’s amusing enough, but what will make you snort milk through your nose is this TMZ video that asks the question “Would you take a case of genital herpes for $20 million?”
In the category of “she’s well rid of him” we have Jesse James claiming on the Howard Stern show that Kat Von D is “100% better in bed than Sandra Bullock”. In the first place, even saying such a thing is rude, tasteless, and of questionable veracity. In the second place, anyone would take one look at Kat Von D and worry about that $20 million dollar issue above. Lastly, even if Sandra Bullock was as frigid as Green Bay in January, you’d still wake up in the morning and think, “I’m sleeping with Sandra Bullock”. That’s hot.
Speaking of adultery in high places, word on the street is that Arnold Schwarzenegger’s marital problems stem directly from the ex-gov’s proclivity for housing “little Arnold” in places he ought not go. That would be suspicious claim if not for Schwarzenegger’s somewhat spotted history prior to his stay in Sacramento. The words “serial-groper” come to mind.
No surprise here: Matthew Perry Heads Back To Rehab Maybe he watched a couple episodes of “Mr. Sunshine”. If that doesn’t make you want to gobble a handful of pills, nothing will.
And the Sonny Bono award goes to: Heather Mills Hospitalized After Ski Accident This would be a sicker joke if she’d broken her leg, but alas, it was her scapula.
Finally, in the “he seems like way too nice a guy” category: Ashton Kutcher To Replace Charlie Sheen On Two And A Half Men On the other hand, maybe Chuck Lorre knows what he’s doing: Ashton Kutcher And Demi Moore Have Open Marriage, Threesomes. It’s good to be a celebrity.