Celebrities Behaving Badly: Slowest. Week. Ever. September 20, 2013Posted by Benjamin Wendell in Entertainment, Scandals.
Tags: jaden smith, liam hemsworth, miley cyrus, quit school, robert kennedy, sex diary, Twitter
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There’s not as much a nip slip to usher us into the weekend. Nada. It’s as if everyone has lost their cell phones. Maybe it’s this new IOS-7. Perhaps it warns you before you’re about to Tweet a pic of your junk to “Entertainment Tonight”. (There’s an app for that.) Whatever it is, this is going to be one very short column.
The only genuine example of celebrity dickism this week comes from a giant jerk-in-training, Will and Jada’s spawn, Jaden Smith. If you’ve seen this kid on TV or in one of his painful films, you know he just radiates, “I’m all that and a bag of chips.” Well, he’s a bag of something.
The kid looks a lot like his father, minus all the charm. Jaden went on a Twitter-rant this week with brilliant role-model advice like:If Everybody In The World Dropped Out Of School We Would Have A Much More Intelligent Society. This is why some animals eat their young.
Miley Cyrus has become CBB’s “go-to” girl, and it’s probably intentional on her part. She’s really picked up on that whole “there is no such thing as bad publicity” aphorism. This week she cancelled her engagement to Liam Hemsworth and before the tears could even dry, she was dating her producer, Mike WiLL Made It:
Dave The DeVIL Made Me Do It was unavailable for comment.
There’s a report out there that a Robert F. Kennedy Jr. “sex diary” has been found (which RFK Jr. denies is his). The diary includes the names of lots of women, each of whom receives a ranking of 1-10 for each encounter.
Mrs. Left and I had the unique privilege of sitting next to RFK Jr. at a dinner about seven or eight years ago, and I can tell you for a fact that he wasn’t getting all those women based on his scintillating personality. As an aside, if I was ever to pen a similar diary, I’d happily give every woman who’d ever even considered having sex with me a 10…just based on pure gratitude.
Howard Stern interviewed “America’s Got Talent” co-host Mel B on his show yesterday. Mel was very hesitant to talk about her acknowledged bisexuality, but did admit to kissing all of her fellow Spice Girls.
The best part of the whole interview came when Stern asked her about her affair with Eddy Murphy. I could listen to her saying, “Fook you, Howard” a hundred times and it would never get old.
I got nothin’. Maybe next week.
Let’s Make A Rule February 25, 2013Posted by Benjamin Wendell in Entertainment, Journalism, Scandals.
Tags: apology, bill maher, quvenzhane wallis, the onion, tweet, Twitter
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“The Onion” definitely crossed the line with their offensive Tweet at the expense of nine year-old Oscar nominee Quvenzhane Wallis last night.
For once, I’m not even going to include the quote, although if you haven’t already heard or seen it, this link will take you there promptly. Meanwhile, as Bill Maher would say: New rule. Kids are off limits. Not just the president’s kids or a candidate’s kids. No crude rude or anatomically repugnent remarks in reference to the pediatric set… Except Honey Boo Boo, of course. (I’m going to hell.)
The Best Ex-President EVER May 24, 2012Posted by Benjamin Wendell in Entertainment, Politics.
Tags: bill clinton, brooklyn lee, monaco, picture, porn stars, tasha reign, Twitter
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That’s our boy, Bubba, posing at a gala in Monaco with adult video actresses Tasha Reign and Brooklyn Lee. Oh, the shock and indignity! The conservative blogosphere is going to have a snitfit. Two things: 1)Fuck ‘em if they can’t take a joke. 2)If these women have the connections, clout, and cash to be at the same party in Monaco with an ex-president, they might even be Republicans.
It’s A Joke For Chrissake December 28, 2011Posted by Benjamin Wendell in Entertainment, Politics, religion.
Tags: atheist, bill maher, Jesus Christ, religious right, tebowing, tim tebow, tweet, Twitter
Bill Maher’s in trouble with the religious right. (Which is news in the same sense as noting that Peyton Manning is popular in Indiana.) His crime, for which he no doubt will be confined to hell for a double eternity, was tweeting the following right after Tim Tebow threw his fourth interception in the Bronco’s loss to Buffalo on December 24:
Wow, Jesus just fucked #TimTebow bad! And on Xmas Eve! Somewhere in hell Satan is tebowing, saying to Hitler “Hey, Buffalo’s killing them”
Here’s the deal. Bill Maher is an atheist and a comedian, not necessarily in that order. He doesn’t believe in God, Jesus Christ, Allah, Vishnu, Zeus, heaven, or hell. What he does believe is that individuals who do believe in such things are at best misguided, and at worst, stupid and worthy of mockery, which coincidentally is his job and how he makes a living. I guarantee you that his major crime in all of this was saying out loud what a lot of people, me included, were thinking privately.
Celebrities Behaving Badly: Lesbian Revelations, Male-Enhancement Felonies, And Porn Stars With Someone Other Than Charlie Sheen October 28, 2011Posted by Benjamin Wendell in Entertainment, Scandals, Uncategorized.
Tags: Bibi Jones, penis pump, porn star, Ron Gronkowski, Steven Tyler, Twitter
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I’ve been accused of pandering to the lowest common denominator just to attract a few more blog hits. “Guilty as charged, your honor.”
Speaking of which, here’s a headline you don’t see every day: Donald Thompson, Former Oklahoma Judge, Won’t Receive Pension After Penis Pump Incident. Believe it or not, this magistrate was accused of employing a “male-enhancement device” behind the bench while presiding over trials. I’ve heard of a judge accused of being a beat-off before, but this seems a little extreme.
Since lesbian outings seem to be an area of great public concern, I need to share with you that Jenna Lyons and Courtney Crangi are currently sharing a bed and AA batteries. I have no idea whatsoever who either of these women is, but according to the story, they’re important somebodies on the New York fashion scene. Jenna, the creative director for J. Crew, is recently divorced. Good job…I’ve pissed off and disappointed a lot of women in my day, but as best as I know, I haven’t yet driven any of them into lesbianism…but there’s still time. Here’s a pic of the happy couple:
They’re not “porn lesbians” but neither are they the buzz cut Birkenstock variety who seem to inhabit my college town (not that there’s anything wrong with that).
Speaking of porn stars, and fulfilling the implied promise of the blog title, New England Patriots tight end Ron Gronkowski is in hot water after a picture of him with porn star Bibi Jones appeared on her Twitter account.
In her defense, this was something of an anomoly for Ms. Jones. She usually hooks up with professional baseball players…10 of them by her own account…while she was in the employ of a sports agent. Oh, the shock! You mean to tell me that sports agents would actually stoop to using porn stars/hookers to induce recruits? How long has this sort of thing been going on? [Note: To my knowledge, no one has employed this tactic in the world of radiology, but if anyone would care to try, I might be convinced that that clinic in Bunghole, Mississippi wasn't such a bad deal after all.]
Alright, listen, I’m about out of time for today, although I’m not nearly out of real and implied scandals, but there’s one we can’t possibly overlook. You probably already know of whom I speak:
Yep, that’s Steven Tyler, the guy next to J. Lo and Randy at the Idol judges desk (bad week for judges, all around). He fell at his hotel in Paraguay and ended up like this…BUT THERE WERE NO DRUGS OR ALCOHOL INVOLVED…that’s his story and he’s stickin’ to it.
That’s it for this Friday, but check back soon…there’s plenty more.
Tags: anklet, anthony weiner, bracelet, Charlie Sheen, J Lo, Jennifer Lopez, Linday Lohan, penis, pic, sex tape, Twitter, Vanity Fair
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Needless to say, this week’s celebrity sheenanigan news cycle has been largely occupied by Weinerfest. There’s not much change in the Weiner story as of today, except that the Weiner in question desperately wants the whole thing to go away while his congressional colleagues just as desperately want it to continue, knowing full well that it diverts attention from whatever midgets, goats, and underage pages they may be hiding in their own legislative cloakrooms. Meanwhile, much as I would personally like to spend another full column on the bottomless well of comedy fodder that is Weiner’s weiner, no one can do it as well as Jon Stewart, who, as it turns out, is a buddy of Weiner’s from their college days (god help me if I’m ever in a similar scandal and Cory’s the one doing the reporting…)
But it’s not as if the rest of Hollyweird and BelowTheBeltway have gone into hibernation or spent the entire week handing out free meals at the Sepulveda Soup Kitchen. No, they’ve been doing what they do best, providing me with a couple hundred easy words and you with entertainment.
For instance, remember Lilo? Sure, Lindsay Lohan has been laying mostly low, living out her in-home detention for crimes that would have put you and me in close daily contact with large angry sexually ambiguous men in small locked cages, but we’re not stars washed up before we’re thirty. Anyway, Lilo’s police anklet sent out an alarm this week, which turned out to be a false alarm, but it gave me the excuse to post this picture:
Hey, on her it looks like the Hope Diamond.
Also, when was the last time you had a decent dose of Tiger Blood, Adonis DNA, and WINNING? Admit it, Weinermania is exhilarating, but you miss Charlie Sheen. Not to worry. There are eleven pages of everything you ever wanted to know about Charlie in this month’s Vanity Fair. It’s a fascinating piece and I encourage you to read it in its entirety, but if you’ve got other things to occupy your weekend leisure hours, allow me to summarize: Apparently blowing more money on fucking hookers and porn stars than a decent heart surgeon makes in a lifetime and ingesting enough pharmaceuticals to permanently anesthethize the population of Brazil can ultimately lead to a mental breakdown. Who knew?
Somebody besides Anthony Weiner hasn’t been closely following LRC and heeding my valuable advice on the tenets of “The Tiger Rule”. A judge ruled this week that Jennifer Lopez’s ex-husband could release the SEX TAPE they’d made while married. Jenny, listen…if you make the tape, it will ALWAYS make it to the public. It’s a physical law like gravity or the speed of light. All I can say is that I hope it’s better than her video for “On The Floor”, although I’d be willing to bet that that location will also be featured in her ex-hubbie’s production as well.
In yet another breach of The Tiger Rule, more nude self-portraits of Blake Lively were released by whatever hacker got hold of them. If I wasn’t going to see “Green Lantern” before, I’m definitely going to now…mission accomplished.
Cameron Diaz and Alex Rodriguez have split. Damn, I was sure this one was forever.
Finally, in the one bit of news that must bring a smile to Representative Weiner’s hangdog face, John Edwards was indicted today for campaign finance fraud. Honestly, strictly speaking, I don’t think he’s guilty, but they had to charge him with something. Apparently being a first degree douchebag isn’t against the law.
That’s it for me. I’ll be off the grid until next Thursday, and you’ll be stuck with my blogmate until then. Maybe he can devote a whole week to writing about how Mitt Romney is going to ignite the electorate.
Weiner Stories June 1, 2011Posted by Benjamin Wendell in Politics, Scandals.
Tags: andrew breitbart, anthony weiner, cut off, penis, Twitter
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I hate letting my blogmate get ahead of me on the scandal curve, but I admit I’m way behind on this Weiner roast. For those of you who actually have a life and don’t have a clue what all the fuss is about, allow me to summarize:
1- Anthony Weiner is a Democratic congressman from New York.
2- Andrew Breitbart is a conservative journalist/blogger/ GOP hatchet-man whose last manufactured scandal was the NAACP/Shirley Sherrod/reverse racism flap back in July.
3- This weekend Breitbart reported in his blog, BigGovernment.com, that Weiner had sent a Twitter pic of his bulging jockey shorts to a 21 year-old coed, Gennette Nicole Cordova, in Seattle, Washington.
4- This is why you love LRC: My oh so proper blogmate would never show you the answer to the question on all your minds, but I have no such compunctions.
5- Weiner has subsequently claimed that his Twitter account was hacked and that this is not his photo. While hacking a Twitter account is a crime, no charges have been filed. Representative Weiner has, however, hired a lawyer. [Probable defense: "Your honor, in the first place, as anyone on the Hill will tell you, Mr. Weiner is a boxer guy.]
6- Corollary of “The Tiger Rule”: If you don’t create a digital image of yourself that will inevitably become public domain, someone else will create it for you.
Meanwhile, on the other side of the world:
1- If this sort of thing happened more often, I’m guessing crimes against women would decline precipitously.
2- Monju Begum would be a great name for a rock band.
Kathy Griffin Nude Photo “Scandal” April 12, 2011Posted by Benjamin Wendell in Entertainment, Scandals.
Tags: kathy griffin, nude, photo, pic, tweet, Twitter
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1- I LOVE Kathy Griffin (not unlike my bromance with Bill Maher).
2- Have you ever seen a whiter woman? (not that there’s anything wrong with that.)
3- Because I can, and you’re welcome.
McCain For President September 1, 2010Posted by Benjamin Wendell in Politics, Scandals.
Tags: Andy Warhol, Meghan McCain, picture, Twitter
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No, the other McCain. I don’t know how I missed this. Back in 2009 Meghan McCain got lambasted by a bunch of prissy-assed Republicans for posting a picture of herself on her Twitter feed:
I can only presume they objected to the Andy Warhol book.
Another Cretin On The Keypad July 8, 2010Posted by Benjamin Wendell in Entertainment, Politics.
Tags: cnn, fired, Octavia Nasr, tweet, Twitter
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Tiger Woods, Stanley McCrystal, Jesse James, Lindsay Lohan, Kendra Wilkinson et al, take note: It’s 2010. Technology works. If you say it in front of a microphone or a camera, if you text it or sext it, if you drink it with your monitor attached, if you put it in email, or if you tweet it, OTHER PEOPLE WILL SEE IT OR HEAR IT. And if it is particularly stupid, offensive, titillating, racist, sexist, ageist, or controversial, it may just get you embarrassed, humiliated, fired, or even incarcerated. Even I, in my doddering pre-dementia, understand this concept. I’ve undoubtedly written things in this blog that might exclude me from any number of clubs, groups, and even places of employment…but I’m not on TV, I’m not running for president or congress, and I’ve got sense enough to assiduously avoid biting the hand that feeds me.
Octavia Nasr probably had only the finest of intentions in memorializing the deceased Hezbollah leader, who she “respected a lot”. She probably meant that as terrorists go, he was the best of a bad lot…but she’ll have to explain that in her memoirs, because in a tweet all you get is 140 characters. No problem. I certainly understand that brevity is the heart of wit. If I was on Twitter, which I’m not, and I thought anyone cared about what I had to say, which is questionable at best, here’s what I’d tweet to Ms. Nasr: Adios, dumbass. Fourteen characters. Message complete.